Life,  Motherhood

Birth. Renewal.


Dress: Savannah Morrow the Label | Necklace: Local Nomad | Swaddle: Rakesh Brand

So much can happen in a year.

Last Easter, I had a miscarriage and it devastated me. I laid in bed, with the windows drawn. I was an empty vessel drowning in an ocean of my own tears, with my mattress as an island. Yet, this Easter painted a very different story…

It was 6 A.M. and the world outside was just beginning to stir. I awoke to sunlight pouring through the windows. The shadows of the tree’s leaves danced sleepily upon our white bedroom walls. A morning owl sent her greeting.

I was the only one not sleeping at our house. The dogs laid at my feet, snoring in their rhythmic patterns. My husband’s hand rested gently in mine, bridging the space between us. My two month old baby girl laid gently in my arms. Her milk breath singing sweet coos as her little body slept contently.

There was something so peaceful in that morning air that it almost carried a certain weight to it. A weight that held me down and pressed me closer to my loved ones. A weight that brought total awareness to where I had been, what I had lost, and every precious thing I had gained.

As a woman, and as a mother – I’ll always carry a piece of that loss with me. But the gratitude and love and blessings I feel today overwhelm me in the best kinds of ways. This Easter, tears flooded my eyes differently, as I found myself no longer stranded on my mattress island.

I guess what I’ve learned when it comes to life, and the things our hearts yearn for – they rarely come easy, or without sacrifice. Or some form of resurrection. That is just the natural ebb and flow to life. Like the night needs it’s day. A trial needs it’s triumph. And a mother needs her child.

I hope you know, that whatever trial it seems you may be facing, there is so much joy ahead.



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